5. Scar Tissue

Rating: T
Pairing: J/C, J/M
Summary: What lengths will Janeway go to...
Disclaimer: The premise of Voyager, I don't own, but the story is mine.
Date: October 2001
Length: 576 words

Scar tissue that I wish you saw
Sarcastic mister know it all
Close your eyes and I'll kiss you 'cause
With the birds I'll share
With the birds I'll share
This lonely view
With the birds I'll share
This lonely view

Scar tissue indeed. Mike has been gone from my life, died in the type of accident we all expect as Starfleet officers for about six weeks now. I just came back from my yearly checkup and guess what they found.

An eight week old fetus. The things that I've done, I thought it was forever, I thought our love life and our life as a whole would be fine. I thought we'd have the perfect life...

A life like Chakotay managed to build.

If only...

Push me up against the wall
Young Kentucky girl in a push-up bra
Fallin' all over myself
To lick your heart and taste your health 'cause
With the birds I'll share
This lonely view...

Blood loss in a bathroom stall
Southern girl with a scarlet drawl
Wave good-bye to ma and pa 'cause
With the birds I'll share
With the birds I'll share
This lonely view
With the birds I'll share
This lonely view

Two more months have gone by. Every communiqué I read from Chakotay I want to tell him of this child. Of my growing girth, of the child within me.

I still haven't felt the child move, and for that matter haven't even gained that much weight. The doctor is worried about me, telling me I need to eat more, telling me I need to gain more weight...telling me...this I don't want to hear.

I don't want everyone to know about this child. I don't want to see the pity and the looks of 'sorry this happened' in their eyes. I don't know why I kept this child. Am I ready to be a mother to this child, this child who's father died in the very same way I expected my life to end so many times with Starfleet?

The Delta Quadrant, the damn Delta Quadrant. Had I never gotten stuck there, if I'd never met Chakotay. I'd be married with two kids right now, Mark would be happy to be my husband.

Or maybe not...I'd never have met Chakotay. Never have found my one true love, wouldn't be pregnant with a dead man's child...

Soft spoken with a broken jaw
Step outside but not to brawl
Autumn's sweet we call it fall
I'll make it to the moon if I have to crawl and
With the birds I'll share
This lonely view...

The words scar tissue, they're words that are so...one minute they mean one thing the next they mean something else.

With today's technology...scars are a thing of the past. There is no such thing really as a physical scar.

Psychological ones however...they last forever...

Scar tissue that I wish you saw
Sarcastic mister know it all
Close your eyes and I'll kiss you 'cause
With the birds I'll share
With the birds I'll share
This lonely view
With the birds I'll share
This lonely view...

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The song is 'Scar Tissue' by the Red Hot Chili Peppers *~*~*~*
END PART V
TCB in Part VI: Whole Again...Perhaps...
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