Part 9: Miracles

Pairing: J/C, P/T
Rated T
Summary: Will they do the god's bidding?
Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom own the series and the characters that are related to Star Trek: Voyager, but the story is mine.
Length: 2,160 words
Date: September 1998

Chakotay walked back to his quarters in silent thought. *God, what was he going to do? How was he going to explain this to everyone? If she doesn't make it, how am I going to reconcile keeping this from the crew? What will I do with the child if she doesn't survive?* For the first time since Kathryn Janeway collapsed that day all those months ago he was realizing there was a chance she wouldn't make the miraculous recovery the Captain always made. *I need to get some rest.* Chakotay went to sleep, finally able to rest, finally trying to reconcile the situation he had created.

He dreamt dreams he could neither remember nor forget. He awoke feeling unsettled and alone, more alone than he had ever felt before.

Chakotay had purposely scheduled the morning off, the reason being so that he could finally catch up on some much needed sleep, the result being restlessness and worry. In the end his travels led him to Kathryn's bedside, the place he had spent the better part of the last three months, the place where his outcome would be decided, the place where his life would be completed or ended.

He approached her bedside and took her into his arms. Chakotay held onto her, held on for dear life, as if holding on would keep her with them just a little longer. He lay there with her, expecting the worst, hoping for the best, praying for a miracle. It was hard to give up on the one you loved and he still wasn't ready to let go, wasn't ready to give up on Kathryn or the child she carried. Maybe, just maybe he could hope that she would wake up, but hope was dangerous, and so was despair, and so was the result of these emotions he felt coursing through his body. With these thoughts he headed to the bridge where duty called and life went on.

***

Kathryn felt as if she had been walking for days, yet not getting anywhere. She knew there was a point she had to reach in order to win the battle, which now raged inside her head, and to win would mean restoration. She knew if she gave up she would lose, and this loss was not one she would be able to reconcile. So she continued. She trekked on as she always did, as she knew she had to. Finally, what felt like months later she saw a light on the distant horizon, and like a mouse to cheese or a bee to honey felt an uncontrollable attraction. She had to reach this point, and not reaching this goal was not an option.

The doctor was notified by a beeping sound throughout sickbay that something had changed with regards to the Captain's present condition. He approached her bed and looked at the bioreadings, all still stable. *How odd, something must have changed* Then he looked at her brain wave patterns and realized, by some miracle of nature, or some divine intervention, she had cycled into REM sleep.

"Doctor to Commander Chakotay..."

Chakotay nearly leapt from his seat on the bridge and ran to the turbolift. *Kathryn is okay...she is going to make it, maybe these last months were a blessing in disguise, our second chance."

He walked into sickbay. "Doc, how is she?"

"I can wake her anytime you like."

Chakotay stared at the bulge of Kathryn's abdomen. *This is going to be a huge shock to her* "Alright doctor, do it."

Kathryn was walking slowly towards the light, cautiously. Years of Starfleet training had taught her that anything that seemed to good to be true normally was. She walked and walked and as she approached the end of the tunnel, the light washed over her.

*She knows what she must do. The realization has been made, the situation has been accepted.*

Chakotay watched Kathryn; he had forced the doc to put more blankets over her lower body in an attempt to minimize the shock. "Kathryn..."

Kathryn felt a warmth. She felt loved, she felt needed. *Chakotay...I'm here.*
"Kathryn." Kathryn's eyes fluttered opened.

"What happened?"

"You collapsed... we're not sure why. You were comatose Kathryn."

"How long?!"

Chakotay hesitated. "Close to four months."

"Four months?!" Kathryn slowly tried to sit up... "What the hell?!" Chakotay tried to calm Kathryn down; he could see the confusion in her eyes. "Easy Kathryn, you've been comatose for quite some time now. Take it easy."

"Kathryn looked down at her protruding abdomen. She knew what it looked like, but how? She had not been in a sexual relationship since... *Oh my god! The gift, the decision...Chakotay!*

"Chakotay is this your child I carry?"

"Kathryn... maybe you should rest, take some time off."

"Don't Kathryn me and don't soft-pedal anything, I need to know and I've already lost too much time."

Chakotay knew he couldn't really keep anything from her, and if he did she would just ask the doc. *God Kathryn, I hope I made the right decision. I pray you don't hate me forever for the decision I made.*

"Yes Kathryn, it's my child, but we don't know how you got pregnant. According to doc... Kathryn?"

Kathryn Janeway was staring off into space, oblivious to everything. *I'm going to have a child... I'm going to be a mother.*

"Chakotay, when am I going to be released?"

The doctor spoke up at this point; he had been watching their interactions from afar, not wanting to disturb the soon-to-be parents. "Captain, you appear to be in good health. As long as you remain off-duty, you may go."

"Thanks doc."

"Kathryn, are you sure you're okay with..."

"Chakotay, I need to get back to my life...I need to get back to some sense of normalcy." Kathryn stared down at her enlarged abdomen, and ran a hand over her body, feeling the curves that she had yet to accept. The reality of the situation hit her when the child kicked. "Oh my god!"

"Kathryn, what's wrong? Are you all right? Is it the baby?"

Kathryn stared out in the distance. She had a puzzled look on her face. "I uh...I think the baby just kicked Chakotay." It was unlike anything she had ever felt before in her life.

Chakotay smiled, she caught a glimpse of the dimples she so rarely saw.

She knew though if she let go, if she let herself think about what could be... she would lose herself, and she would make decisions that might later be regretted. This was not a chance she was willing to take, as Captain of this vessel, no matter how much she wanted it. She was responsible for 150 lives. *151 Kathryn.* Now where the hell did that come from? Yes she was pregnant, but as far as she was concerned this life was no more or less important than any other member of the crew.

"Chakotay. If you don't mind, and since the doctor said it was alright, I'd like to go home, back to my quarters... good night."

Chakotay just about ran after her. "Kathryn, don't you think someone should go with you? You've been comatose for a long time, do you really want to be alone..."

"Commander, I'm fine. Thank you for our concern but I'm sure I'll cope. Doctor, when can I return to duty?"

"Well Captain, I suppose you could return to duty next week, but considering the circumstances surrounding your pregnancy and your condition not two days ago, I want to see you at least once a week."

Kathryn hated being mothered... mothered, *Oh god, I'm not ready for this. I can't do this.*

*This doubt is unacceptable, it will not be allowed to prosper.*

The gods looked on, watched over her: protected her, but only until the end. The gift would be retaken if the debt was not paid, and the mistakes not realized and rectified.

Kathryn exited sickbay and proceeded to her quarters. When she reached her destination the dam broke, the tears flowed, and all the emotions of the past five years escaped. Past the walls she had so astutely built throughout her lifetime. When the storm subsided Kathryn sat at her desk and reviewed, trying to catch up on the last four months of her life, trying to realize the lost time, and the forgotten memories.

Three hours into the review of the files she was interrupted. She knew who it was, and she knew if she didn't let him in he would override her command codes, and barge in anyway.

"Come in Commander."

Chakotay entered, he looked concerned. He saw Kathryn, dressed in an oversized nightshirt. She was ignoring this pregnancy, denying the facts; she did not want to accept the truth or the reality of the situation.

"Kathryn."

"Commander, you will address me as Captain, or ma'am..."

"Kathryn, I know you're hurting..."

Then the storm was unleashed and the Irish temper that she was so famous for came to the forefront of her personality.

"What right did you have? What right did you have to make this selfish decision to inflict this pregnancy on me. I was told you were the one who made the ultimate decision. I didn't want to have children Chakotay... especially not with you."

*The doctor must have informed her of certain things, this could get tricky.* "I didn't think you would kill your own child Kathryn, I didn't think that murder was part of your personality. I didn't think..."

"That's right Commander you didn't think."

"Kathryn... look at yourself!"

Kathryn looked down at the floor; she couldn't face him right now. She needed answers, she needed to know how, and she needed to know why... she needed answers he couldn't give her.

"Kathryn what is it? What's wrong? Are you wondering what people will say? What the crew is going to think?"

Kathryn continued staring at the floor. She heard the words escape her mouth, she couldn't stop them. "No Chakotay... I'm just afraid."

Chakotay was relieved, finally a truthful admission, finally she was letting go. This admission brought a smile to his face. The invincible Captain Janeway, the woman who had beaten the Borg, flown the ship directly into a binary pulsar...who had faced more obstacles in her short existence than most faced throughout their entire life, was afraid.

"Kathryn, come here." Slowly Kathryn approached the man who filled so many voids in her life. The man who was her first officer and best friend. "There's nothing to be afraid of. I'll be here for you, always...and the crew, I'm sure they'll just be glad to have their Captain back." He reached up and wiped away the tears, which stained her face. "I love you...you know that don't you? I always have."

She looked up at him and the tears started anew. "I've been aware of your feelings towards me for quite some time now, and I've accepted this fact, but Chakotay, I can't..."

*She looked like a lost puppy. Not sure where she belonged, or what she had to do.*

"Kathryn you can, and you will, you have to..."

He rested a hand on her abdomen, making sure he wasn't dreaming...making sure this was really happening, trying to convince himself he had not made the biggest mistake of his life.

Kathryn quickly regained her composure. He was trying to take advantage of her. He was no doubt attempting sway her decision and her points of view regarding this child, and trying to get her to let him in. She wouldn't do it.

Then the Captain's temper flared anew. *Why does he continue to push this on me? It's not his place, and as the Captain I can't and I never can.* She needed to get away from him...time to play the trump card. She was the Captain, and this was one thing in her life he could never argue with, never ignore...something he always had to obey, even when fear and longing clouded her judgment, and warped the facts.

"Get out. I don't need you to tell me how to run my ship, or for that matter how to live my life."

Her harsh words stung, and her temper was rearing its ugly head. There was nothing left he could do. This realization had to be hers.

"Alright Kathryn, I'll go. Just remember, sixty years is a long time to be alone, and this is my child, he needs me too, and for what it's worth, I need you."

He left her to her loneliness and her misery. He just hoped she would come to her senses before it was too late.

*The decision is being questioned. The countdown has begun.*

END PART 9

TBC IN PART 10