Pairing: J/C
Rated T
Date: March 2001
Summary: He loves his Captain, not so much the other.
Length: 3818 words
Disclaimer: blah blah blah, I DON’T OWN THEM

Seven was awakened from her dream date with the Chakotay of her dreams, the Chakotay she was beginning to love. The man she thought she could spend forever with. The hologram, the image of Chakotay she thought she could be with.

She remembered the doctor's words not a day ago. Why the Commander? Then she remembered what she had said in response. He seemed like an appropriate person.

The doctor had looked at her puzzled, then she had seen the hurt in his eyes. She would later realize that look was one of love and one of longing. Yes the doctor loved her and wanted her. But the problem was, she did not love him, she had grown quite fond of another hologram, one that represented the epitomy of all that was perfect in her eyes, all that was perfect and good about a relationship.

The Captain had done it, why couldn't she. The Captain didn't take a representation of a crewmember. Seven had continued, becoming completely engrossed in her dream world, it had all been perfect until the earth-shattering call from the Captain that had forever changed 'Seven's perfect dream' and her only chance at happiness. Or at least that had been how she had seen it.

Until that fateful day.

"Bridge to Seven of Nine" came the real Chakotay's voice from across the channel, he was there, on the bridge, with her.

"Go ahead Commander." Commander, not Chakotay as she saw him in her fantasies, in her dreams, in her realities.

"We need those sensor calibrations." Remember Seven, the ones you promised him hours ago.

"I'll need a moment to return to my station."

"That would be a good idea."

She had let them down, let them all down and had nearly enough gotten them all killed in the process. All over a fantasy, a fantasy she wanted to become a reality, but a fantasy and a dream none-the-less.

Paris' voice had cut through her reveries and brought her back to the realities of this ship, in this quadrant, so far from everything that was 'her world', 'her Chakotay', 'her love'. "Hull fracture deck twelve."

Then the voice of the other woman, she later realized. The only woman in his eyes - the only woman he would ever love - cut through the air like a knife through hot butter. "Seven of Nine report." Kathryn Janeway's voice sounding to Seven of nine like that of a parent to a petulant child. A scolding, an anger, and Seven knew she had lost some respect from her mentor and teacher, and in some ways her pseudo parent on that day.

"Stand by Captain." A pause while she finished her calculations, while she tried to do her work, her mind still not on the task at hand but rather on everything else. On Kathryn Janeway's ironic control over her love life. On her own inability to be the one that would make Commander Chakotay the happiest man on this earth.

On the love of a man for a woman and a woman for a man. Only she was 'the other woman', or maybe not even that.

"Lieutenant Paris, isolate subspace band omicron theta."

"Acknowledged."

"Direct your sensors to co-ordinates 178.26"

She heard the perplexed voice of Tom Paris over the comm line. "Nothing there."

Seven looked over her findings, he had to have been mistaken. Then she saw her error, she had made a mistake. "Correction, 178.36"

Paris immediately began trying the new sensor co-ordinates. "I can see them. Two warheads are about to emerge adjusting course."

Janeway looked to her first officer. Her questioning eyes asking the question she had been asking herself since Seven had failed to answer her hails. Since their Borg drone had told them she had to return to her post. What the hell happened there?

The eye contact and the silent communication between the two command officers was all that was needed to ask the question and retrieve the answer. Chakotay's look: Something is wrong here.

Paris' sharp command pulling them out of their trance. "Impact in five, four, three, two..." His countdown stopped as the ship rocked under the impact of the warheads. "Shields are holding."

Finally getting a chance to voice her opinions Kathryn piped up, looking to her first officer for support and answers. "Why wasn't Seven at her post?"

Chakotay didn't know, he just looked to her and stated the obvious, noticing Janeway almost looked as if she needed permission to do what she not only knew was right, but was sure needed to be done. "Good question. Maybe you should ask her."

Janeway made a silent and almost imperceptible nod to her first officer. A motion that would not be noticed by anyone but Chakotay. They knew each other, they knew without even voicing the words. She got up and went to perform the unpleasant task she knew was necessary.

In the ready room Janeway waited. She had told Seven she needed to see her immediately. For the moment the ship was out of danger. "It was your responsibility to locate those warheads." Janeway watched Seven for some response, but the poker face of her cherished drone was in place.

Seven was giving away nothing. "I succeeded."

Janeway wouldn't budge. Seven had made a mistake. As good as she was, and as well placed as her hidden feelings were, Kathryn knew something was up. "Not before we took heavy damage." The Captain emphasized the damage that Voyager had suffered under the error. "You told Chakotay you'd have those calibrations hours ago."

Seven processsed the information, and Janeway could tell she was looking for an excuse. Seven had never lied to her before, but there was a first time for everything and Janeway was about to experience a first.

"The work took longer than expected."

Janeway felt the anger boil to the forefront. She was telling her Captain and mentor bald-faced lies.

She snapped out the next sentence in a way that most of the crew had learned meant how mad she was. How disappointed the Captain was in her crew. "It might have gone faster if you'd stayed at your post, as you were ordered to do."

Now was not the time for the friendship, for the odd relationship that they had developed over the past three years to get in the way. Now it was the Captain speaking to a member of her crew.

Seven responded, a heated argument beginning to brew. The fire in Seven's eyes, never seen by Kathryn before. "I didn't realize I was confined to the Astrometric's Lab."

Captain Janeway held her ground. "You were on duty."

She took in a breath, she didn't want to snap at Seven or any member of her crew, but Seven was trying her patience and her authority. "This isn't the first time you've left your station over the past few days; Holodeck Two?" Janeway watched her responses. She was willing to bet if she had had a tricorder handy, Seven's blood pressure and stress levels had risen about sixteen notches. Janeway held her ground and kept her face neutral. There was definatly something going on. "You've logged a lot of time in there. Mind if I ask why?" Kathryn watched, trying to log Seven's responses. Her facial movement, her position.

Nothing. "Well it must be something important Seven. 49 hours in six days?"

Seven lost her trump card. She lost her composure if only for a moment, but it was enough, Janeway saw the drop. "I was running a simulation."

Janeway took in another cleansing breath. "Of what?"

Seven hesitated. Here came something else she no doubt did not want to hear. "A new gravametric array I've been developing. I wanted to perfect the design before I brought it to you."

Janeway looked at her. Kathryn didn't believe her, but the Captain had to take her words at face value.

She cautiously worded her next sentences. "I...appreciate your efforts to improve our systems, but I can't have you dividing your time right now. When the ship's on alert, I expect you to perform your duties. If you need to leave your post, inform Commander Chakotay."

She looked uneasy. Commander Chakotay. "I apologize for my lapse in judgement."

Janeway looked back at Seven, her unease showing in her blond perfection. I wonder what the hell is really going on? But she continued none-the-less, she was the Captain. "We all make mistakes Seven..."

At this point Seven tuned her out. She looked straight ahead, staring at the wall as the Captain tried to prove how perfect she was, how wrong Seven was, how right Janeway always was. Finally, Janeway stopped talking, and Seven moved towards the door. A perplexed Janeway staring after her.

Seven had immediately made her way back to the holodeck. Her 'personal life' as minor and as fake as it may be, had begun to take over her real life. But what kind of life did she live. For duty and to please Janeway. She remembered Unimatrix Zero. She saw B'Elanna Torres and Tom Paris awaiting their new arrival. She hoped for a new life. She had prayed that she would get it through this program, but there was a problem: It wasn't real.

Then the world had gone blank for her, and her next memories were of a biobed in sickbay and the doctor staring at her. Then the conversation, the loathing, the torture had begun.

She knew...he was jealous.

"I hope you'll respect doctor/patient confidentiality."

The doctor cocked an eyebrow curious. "Of course."

Seven looked to the doctor. Mentor #2, friend, man she had helped through many things, as he had her. The man who loved her in the same way she was trying to love Chakotay. But there was a barrier, and she couldn't figure out what it was. What was stopping the real Chakotay from loving her as she was loving him?

"I've been conducting simulations to explore different aspects of my humanity."

The doctor looked almost shocked, if that was possible for a hologram. He put on his doctor's smile, the one he gave people when he needed to deliver bad news. "I take it our first officer is your romantic interest."

Seven listened to the tones in his voice. Her mind was telling her that was jealousy...but her emotions, her being, would not let her acknowledge that. She simply responded. "Commander Chakotay seemed like an appropriate choice. He has many admirable qualities."

The doctor sighed. "He most certainly does." Seven walked out, unable to see the rejection of her best friend, at the admission that she didn't love him, but was rather in love with someone else.

She had missed B'Elanna and Tom's baby shower, but she had given the present in the end. B'Elanna had been surprised. When Tom had discovered the little booties, he had thought it cute. So he had invited her to their little party. He had, after many days and nights of thinking, reprised the Sandrines program. It had actually been B'Elanna's doing, she had begged to get somewhere to hang out that wasn't Fair Haven.

And the Captain Proton program was losing its luster.

And so...Sandrines it was. And so fun would happen. They had invited everyone from the Captain and Commander to Seven to Harry, to the ensigns on deck twelve. They had graciously and excitedly agreed for the most part.

Tom had however made a slight change to the Sandrines program: He had increased the interior size of Sandrines, and forced a dance floor. There would be different music this time, not the 1950's French stuff. He liked it, but now he would have fun. Tom went back to fixing Sandrines, and after a couple of hours, returned home to help B'Elanna get ready for bed and make supper.

They needed to keep all the rations they could for the coming baby girl.

He had finished supper, put the dishes in the replicator to recycle them and put B'Elanna to bed, cuddling up next to her, and feeling the baby girl moving underneath her skin. "Honey, do you think that Janeway and Chakotay will ever find happiness?"

Tom heard the question and kissed the top of his wife's head. "I hope so love, if not, what's the point of living. Love is too good to miss out on, and they're missing out large right now, everyone can see it but them." He sighed. "Living through rose coloured glasses is a bitch, and they seem to be doing just that, especially her." He turned her around in the bed and looked into B'Elanna's eyes. "What did I do to deserve you?"

B'Elanna looked back, she brought his head down to fulfill the kiss, and the passions they had lived to try and keep going. Even after being together for four years as a couple, they still had that spark. And Tom prayed to whatever gods were up there that it stayed forever.

Tom smiled and flipped her back around spooning her to him and cuddling down to sleep.

*~*~*~*~*

Kathryn had received Tom's invitation and had responded in a positive. She was looking forward to it, and she knew Chakotay was too, he loved the Sandrines program...even if she always did crush him at pool. She chuckled to herself, thinking about her folly.

She rubbed her hand over her belly, yes they had been sharing a bed for the past three years. They had managed to keep it private, keep it to themselves, but then she had forgotten her boosters. She had thought, no way, it was just once. But as she recently found out, it only took once.

She would tell Chakotay tonight, and there would be no more hiding this relationship, no more hiding anything. She looked down at her nearly flat stomach, no...no hiding anything. She would tell him tomorrow at Sandrines.

She laughed again as she heard the door to her quarters opening. Chakotay walked in, and she went to him.

"Hi love, how was your day?"

Chakotay just smiled. "Very good, it seems the doctor can't keep his mouth shut?"

Kathryn stared at him. Her jaw dropped. Chakotay walked up to her and placed a hand on her tummy. "Yeah honey, I know, but I'm exstatic."

She smiled and brought her lips up to his in a kiss full of promise. Finally she pulled back and stared at him. "I guess its about time huh? We have been an item, if not a private item almost since New Earth."

Chakotay laughed and pulled her to a hug. "What do you say? I think its bedtime for all three of us."

She nodded and they headed to the bedroom.

*~*~*~*~*

The next night in Sandrines the crew sat around having fun, some dancing, some just sitting and drinking, some playing pool. Kathryn looked to Chakotay and smiled, he winked at her and returned the secretive smile. They had decided to wait a little bit before telling the crew, Kathryn was basking in the glow of newly discovered motherhood, and Chakotay looked at her and couldn't figure out what he had done to deserve her.

Finally Seven arrived much to the surprise of everyone. When that woman walked into a room, everyone knew it. They all looked a little harder this time though. She had done away with the catsuit, and had her hair down. Kathryn's jaw dropped as she saw her former Borg drone, dressed as if she were completely at ease with her humanity.

Kathryn consciously closed her mouth when she realized her gaping jaw was still opened. She walked around to Chakotay. "Look at Seven. What hapened?"

Chakotay shook his head. "I don't know."

Tom approached the Captain. "Would you care to dance Captain? B'Elanna's a little tired and there's a fast one coming up: one I love. It seems appropriate don't you think?"

Kathryn listened to the lyrics. She nodded and went to the dance floor. They were dancing a sort of slow, sort of fast dance, and Kathryn was enjoying herself immensly.

Seven walked up to the Commander. "Commander would you care to dance?"

The Commander nodded not wanting to belittle Seven't attempt to find her humanity. She got on the dance floor and started dancing. Seven pulled on Chakotay, pulling him closer, trying to make the space between them disappear.

Seven brought her lips up to approach Chakotay's, and he pulled away. "Seven?!" He looked deeply into her. "What the hell are you doing?"

Seven pulled back surprised. "I was, trying to explore relationships..."

Chakotay shook his head and pulled away. "Not with me you're not."

He placed her hands back at her sides and walked away. "I'm sorry Seven." He walked back to Kathryn to see what he had missed. He cut in to Tom's dance and finished the dance with his lover.

He loves me, He loves you not.
He loves me, He loves me not.
He loves me, He loves YOU not.
HE LOVES YOU NOT.

Give it your all girl, give it all ya got.
Take your chance at a second hand shot.
Say what you want girl, Do what you do.
He's never gonna, gonna make it with you.

Pulling petals off a flower trying to get your way.
Keep pulling til' it says what you want it to say.
Girl you can pick a field full of daisies,
But he'd still be my baby.
Instinctively, I know what you're thinking,
You'll be giving him an open invitation,
But my baby won't be taken in.

You can pout your cherry lips,
Try to tend him with a sweet kiss.
You can flutt your pretty eyes,
He ain't got his hands tied.

No chains to unlock,
So free to do what he wants.
He's into what he's got.
He loves me, he loves you not.
No matter what you do, he's never gonna be with you.
He loves me, he loves you not.

Seven listened to the lyrics, and heard the truth in them. She had tried, and she had failed. She watched the Captain and Commander dancing to the music, swaying in time with the beats that played themselves out.

Had she misjudged her attractiveness? Had she missed the signals that were there?

When she looked at them dancing together, lost in their own little world...she knew.

No one would ever compete for the Commander's heart ever again. His heart had been won by the love of a Captain, stuck 70,000 light years from a home they both missed.

You're the kind of girl that is always up for do or dare.
Only want him just because he's there.
Always looking for a new ride,
The grass is greener on the other side.
You're the kind of girl who's not used to hearing no,
All your lovers try to take you where you wanna go.
It doesn't matter how hard you try, you're never gonna get with my guy.

No chains to unlock,
So free to do what he wants,
He's into what he's got
He loves me, He loves you not.
No matter what you do, he is never gona be with you.
He loves me, he loves you not.

Doesn't matter what you do, he's never gonna be with you.

Give it your all girl, give it all ya got.
You can take your chance at a second hand shot.
Say what you want girl, do what you do.
He's never gonna make it with you.

You can pout your cherry lips
Try to tend him with a sweet kiss
You can flutt your pretty eyes
He ain't got his hands tied.

No chains to unlock,
So free to do what he wants.
He's into what he's got,
He loves me, he loves you not.
No matter what you do, he's never gonna be with you.
He is into what he's got,
He loves me, He loves you not....

The song ended and another started. A slow one. Chakotay and Janeway stood huddled in the corner, lost in thought and stranded in the void of their minds.

Seven watched as Chakotay whispered sweet nothings to his Captain. She watched his hand reach out and brush across Captain Janeway's abodomen. Seven watched as they met in a kiss, that left them all seeing the fireworks exploding around the two commanding officers.

Chakotay looked to Kathryn, he loved her more than life itself. When he had found out she was expecting his child, he had felt a warm tingly feeling all over. He had wanted to run all over the ship and shout it out to all around him. But he hadn't, he had kept it to himself until he had had a chance to speak to Kathryn.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring he had replicated to seal their bond...he reached out, and placed it on her finger.

Kathryn felt the tears rise to her eyes, and knew they were beginning to stream down her face. She nodded vigorously, and she knew life would be okay.

Tom and B'Elanna sat in the corner at the table they had reserved and beckoned the Captain and Commander over to join them. Chakotay had brushed away all the tears that had acccumulated on Kathryn's cheeks.

Kathryn nodded to the lieutenants, "Tom, B'Elanna." B'Elanna shaw a shimmer from Kathryn's left hand. She pulled her hand up and looked at the diamond that adorned her finger.

"Oh my god Captain, you two?" Kathryn nodded and looked to Chakotay.

He nodded back to her. "It also seems B'Elanna, that your little one is going to have a playmate in about six and a half months."

B'Elanna's jaw dropped and she finally made out the words. "You're pregnant?"

Janeway nodded and B'Elanna pulled her up into a hug.

From the corner Seven sat and daydreamed, wondering where she had gone wrong? Finally the doctor walked in and walked over to Seven. "I see someone let the cat out of the bag."

Seven looked puzzled. "That's a human expression, someone told the news." Seven shook her head. "What news?"

The doctor's eyes went wide. "The Captain...she's pregnant."

Seven just turned and went to leave. She felt a tear stream down her face. The doctor grabbed her arm and pulled her to him. "I know it hurts Seven, but you'll get through it. Don't worry, and I'll always be here for you."

Seven nodded and gave herself in to the contact, even if it was with a hologram of a man. For the Love of a man and the lonliness of a woman.

THE END